Tuesday, January 13, 2009
so like, those blogs out there are hella deep, and ish. mustve taken forever to think of ways to put those thoughts down. i'd like to apologize for my dull blogging though, if anyone even reads this ish. if not, its all good. so much has been on my mind lately, just tryna free my mind. have you ever sat down just to think about all the shits thats been goin on in your life? for this past week, ive been tryna figure shit out and why things are the way it is. at times, i ask myself if i'm really happy or am i pretending to be happy and i realized, the reason why ive been so down is cause i wont let myself admit that i am happy or that i can be happy. for the past months, ive been depressed, tryna find someone to fill in the hole i feel in my heart, but really, the more i try, the deeper and bigger it gets. ive been so stupid trusting people i shouldnt trust, falling where no one would catch me, and instead of standing up and continue on, i sit there and cry about how bad things are. i'm done though. letting boys get the best of me. i'm only happy when there's a boy around. haha, pathetic. i have so much other ish to look forward to. what happened to the cindy who didnt giva a dmn about boys. "if you dont love me, someone else will." i'm done chasin after this shit. theres other things in life.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Comments to a friend, it might explain things better:
cindyummm   | Jan 11, 2009 7:37 PMall i do everyday is sleep. watch tv. WAIT for the day to end so a new one can begin and MAYBE just MAYBE things will get better. it never does. ive just been sleeping my days through. i dont even go out. i have no one to go out with. and i cant even stay out late. my grades are going down. i have no more motivation. i have nothing to keep me going. i dont even know why i'm still breathing. i sound so fucking emo right now, and that isnt even me. but i'm at rock bottom, and i dont know what the fuck to do anymore. i'm so FUCKING LOST. I NEED HELP. |
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| - Delete My Comment | |
| cindyummm | Jan 11, 2009 7:33 PMi feel like crying. i feel sad. depressed? hopeless. dead. i feel ugh. i dont even smile like i'm happy anymore, and when i do, the happiness lasts for a second or so, before i think about how fucked up everything in my life is. after my ex fucked me over, and left me in the dumps, i found ****. someone i put all my trust in, cause he told me i could. he was a great guy, until he met me. it was the first time he let a girl know he wanted to give up, but why me?! fuck kevin, i know this doesnt seem like much to you, but thats cause you havent been through it. i want to be happy again. i want to find that happiness. i feel so pathetic, i have nothing to live for anymore. you're like ALWAYS happy. you have your friends and your family. you have everything you need to be happy, i feel like i have nothing. |
| - Delete My Comment |
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