so like, those blogs out there are hella deep, and ish. mustve taken forever to think of ways to put those thoughts down. i'd like to apologize for my dull blogging though, if anyone even reads this ish. if not, its all good. so much has been on my mind lately, just tryna free my mind. have you ever sat down just to think about all the shits thats been goin on in your life? for this past week, ive been tryna figure shit out and why things are the way it is. at times, i ask myself if i'm really happy or am i pretending to be happy and i realized, the reason why ive been so down is cause i wont let myself admit that i am happy or that i can be happy. for the past months, ive been depressed, tryna find someone to fill in the hole i feel in my heart, but really, the more i try, the deeper and bigger it gets. ive been so stupid trusting people i shouldnt trust, falling where no one would catch me, and instead of standing up and continue on, i sit there and cry about how bad things are. i'm done though. letting boys get the best of me. i'm only happy when there's a boy around. haha, pathetic. i have so much other ish to look forward to. what happened to the cindy who didnt giva a dmn about boys. "if you dont love me, someone else will." i'm done chasin after this shit. theres other things in life.